I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and I'm unsure of whether or not he's the one. He's an amazing boyfriend; he cooks for me every day, buys me the sweetest gifts even when there isn't any special occasion, is incredibly loyal, remembers all of our anniversaries, loves all of the same movies and music that I love, is fun and adventurous, is handsome, is extremely intelligent and handy, you name it. We went to the same college and understand one another very profoundly even though his personality is rather different than mine. I am a social butterfly with many friends and a filter, while he is blunt/brutally honest with fewer friends. He often gives his friends gifts and spends time with them in group settings rather than one-on-one like I do, inviting me to each of his hangouts. His family and friends love me and we get along extremely well as he is my best friend and soulmate. He would do absolutely anything for me and always adds excitement to the relationship. I've only felt butterflies with him a few times but I would choose the comforting, deep kind of love over butterflies any day, the selfless kind of love in which one can take care of their spouse throughout an illness for years on end and be a safe haven every night to cuddle with after a long day. We were each other's firsts for everything as we are both very young and have talked about a future together many times, including baby names.

Everything was going great with us during the honeymoon phase regardless of my lack of "butterflies" until our mutual friends started approaching me randomly with rants about how much they hate him. I was completely taken aback by these rants as he had been nothing but sweet to me other than a criticism of the way I styled my hair one night (which I had long ago forgiven him for). He often pressures me into doing things I don't want to do and can be a bit controlling at times (he has told me a couple times that I was eating certain foods incorrectly and he rearranged a great deal of the furniture in my parents' house without permission when he visited, as if it were his own house). I only began to understand why these mutual friends felt so resentful of him when I introduced him to my family. He was very rude to my sibling (calling him names and showing an air of superiority) and my parents did not approve of him at all. Once again, I was bewildered. Not long after, he asked a very sweet friend of mine from Europe (whose name sounds similar to an English curse word) if he goes by anything else immediately after I introduced the two to each other, something that I've never heard anyone else dare to ask my friend, and later in the night humiliated him in front of others during a game. The only other quality about my boyfriend that bothers me is that he can talk about a hobby of his that I am uninterested in for hours on end even if I fall asleep or show clear indifference on the subject in front of him (he often gives off a know-it-all aura, as if he has to prove something due to an underlying insecurity). My boyfriend and I started a long distance relationship soon after, and that's when I began to emotionally stray and lose attraction towards him. My gut was telling me that he wasn't the one even though my heart felt like he was my soulmate. I stopped making him a priority and focused my efforts on other people, which hurt his feelings tremendously (I feel so guilty because it's not like me to hurt others in that manner, I was not raised like that). We lived together for a while following the long distance relationship and I was very happy during that time, traveling with him and planning out our future together. However, now that I have been on vacation for months away from him, I have begun to emotionally stray again and wonder whether or not to leave the relationship. I realized almost halfway into my vacation that I had not missed him for several weeks, let alone thought about him or texted him. He is everything I want on paper and I am genuinely happy when I am alone with him or in a group setting with his friends. But he has proposed to me several times and no matter how hard I try to say yes, only excuses about why I'm not ready to marry him *at the moment* escape my lips. He is my first boyfriend ever (during the time I started dating him, I was too eager to enter a relationship) therefore I feel like I've never truly experienced the dating scene or reciprocation from someone who gives me that giddy excitement if I'm crazy enough about them. I get along extremely well with my parents and friends and love them unconditionally, so their opinion matters a great deal to me. The red flags they see and the pressure they put on me to end my relationship by trash-talking my boyfriend have been making me question my feelings towards him for a long time now. I feel that if I stay, I will miss out on the excitement that dating around to find "the one" has to offer and be a disappointment to my friends and family. On the contrary, if I go, I feel I will regret leaving my best friend and soulmate, meanwhile missing out on all of the exciting adventures I have with him. There is no win-win situation here, for either decision will lead to my depression in the end. I just don't know why he treats my friends and family so differently than how he treats me. I've told him how I felt and he's made efforts to change his ways, but the way I saw him treat my sibling and friends truly scarred the way I think of him permanently. He already apologized for that and has since shown them greater respect, yet still, I am aware of his true colors although I know he has a good heart and means well. They say they've forgiven him but I know they haven't by the way they still make negative remarks regarding his personality. I am embarrassed to introduce him to new friends I make and post on social media about him due to our mutual friends' resentment towards him, but I also think that nobody could possibly treat me better than him, that he is the best boyfriend in the world. I've already told him the way I feel and at this point he is patiently waiting for me to make a decision. I don't want to make a decision that I will regret. Staying with him and marrying him may mean me feeling like I'm confused and settling for less for the rest of my life even though I feel safe and content. Leaving may give me the thrilling freedom to date around that I've always wanted along with the risk of losing the best boyfriend I could ever have had without being able to get him back. After I told him how I felt, he threatened to leave me and I had a panic attack; I wasn't able to sleep a wink that night and I missed him immensely. I begged him not to go and now that he gave in, I am the same confused, distant girlfriend that I was before. I am not as attracted as I used to be as I have harbored feelings for someone who might as well be a married celebrity (he doesn't even know me), but I am still attracted somewhat. I feel like I've mentally checked out of the relationship  but not emotionally. What should I do? I don't want to keep him hanging for much longer as I care about him and value his time. Thank you in advance for your insight and time :)