How should I apologize
I have been meeting up with a guy every 3 weeks or so for no strings attached sex. We would have sex, lay in bed and talk for hours, and sometimes watch a movie after, but that is all we ever did. There was no relationship or exclusivity, so I know I shouldn't be upset. During the pandemic, we didn't see each other, but we did meet up again for sex about 3 months ago. He texted me "Happy Birthday" on my birthday. Because I was feeling down, he said "I would invite you over to celebrate, but I'm seeing someone and they definitely will not be ok with it." I got jealous and immediately replied, "I'm seeing someone too (lie)." I contradicted myself a bit later saying that I was thinking about getting back with my ex. I mentioned that I was going to Alaska with my ex, and we were staying in the same bedroom, but different beds. He replied, "you guys might have sex," "you guys will have sex," " actually I know you guys will have sex.haha" One right after the other, I didn't answer. Anyway, as I was talking about my ex, he said, "it sounds like you are head over heals in love with him. Just marry him already." "He sounds like a great guy." "Maybe he is the one for you." Then when I mentioned that I was having second thoughts because his friends cheat on their wives constantly, he said that is a red flag. He said "you are who your top 5 friends are" and "he doesn't care for you," and "it's messed up he didn't remember your birthday." The next day, I tetxyed that I really didn't like what he said about my ex, and that he isn't going to take advantage of me, and he isn't just a random sex buddy im taking on my trip. I said that I obviously like him because I've known him for 6 years and he is a close friend. He claimed he can't be that close because he didn't remember my birthday. Anyway, he replied "Disregard what I said then." I replied "you're mean," and he said "ok." I kept just replying "ok" after all my messages. At that point, I was just joking around and saying "you're really mean," "you're really really mean,." I asked him to stop saying just "ok." And he replied "ok." Later I said that I'm just joking around and I really don't like what he said, and because I don't want to say something I will regret later." Then he replied "ok." I said "whatever, bye." And then "I think you are a jerk." He never responded. I never expected to get jealous. I had been seeing other people (a few or more) and he knew about them. I kind of felt he wasn't seeing others because he would make me get an STD test every time before we had sex again. Anyway, this is what I'm thinking to say
"Sorry about what I said. I got a little jealous. I don't know why. I didn't mean anything I said. I will leave you alone now."
Is that good? Or any other advice?
Answers ( 2 )
First, in spite of your casual relationship, you are attached to this person, you are invested emotionally. Second, this IS a relationship. No matter if it is casual or not, it is a relationship, and you got jealous. So, all the rest of it is your trying not to let him know it doesn't mean anything, you gave him a "so there" response to his news.
So, you have this relationship that isn't, but you feel something, enough to act in a jealous manner. Instead of apologizing, tell him that his news caught you off-guard, your reaction surprised you and you acted inappropriately, said things you didn't mean because of how you felt when he delivered his news. Everything after that was tit for tat, immature and nonsensical. Just admit that the whole thing got blown out of proportion and you regret much of what you said because you said it to hurt. Say you don't know if he wants to continue, but you do regret what was said, and you're sorry it got blown up.
It's important for everyone to learn how to apologize effectively. After all, what good is an apology if it doesn't work, right? You might think that a simple "I'm sorry" will take care of everything but that's not exactly true. There are some situations in which you need to apologize properly.
Read on to learn how to apologize effectively.
Tip # 1: Apologize sincerely and wholeheartedly.
Apologizing through gritted teeth or mumbling a half-hearted sorry will get you nowhere. In fact, it might get you into even bigger trouble than before. If you really want to apologize, you must do it with humility and sincerity. Accept the fact that you were in the wrong.
Tip # 2: Don't apologize over and over again.
Contrary to what you might think, apologizing over and over again isn't going to help you get back in the person's good graces, especially if we're talking about someone who's your boss.
Apologies are not supposed to go on forever. How else do you expect your boss to move on if you keep reminding him or her about what you did?
Tip # 3: Don't spend too much time on explanations.
If you want to learn how to apologize effectively, you can't spend more than half of your time talking about why you did it and how you did it.
A bit of an explanation might help on some occasions, but don't ramble on and on about it because it wouldn't seem like you're apologizing for anything anymore. A lot of people tend to make this mistake and the apology loses its sincerity.
Tip # 4: Don't wait too long to apologize.
One proven tip on how to apologize effectively is to do it as soon as you realize your mistake. Some people put off giving an apology because they think it will save them from the full blast of the offended person's wrath.
However, that is just being disrespectful and cowardly. If you can't approach a person physically at once, send him or her a message first. But make sure you apologize in person as well.
Tip # 5: Don't expect anything.
You can't expect that person to forgive you right off the bat, especially if you committed a really grave offense. If you're going to apologize, you have to be prepared for the worst. The conversation isn't going to be the most comfortable one either, so prepare yourself for anything.
Learning how to apologize effectively is very important. It shows people the kind of person you are. Everyone has his or her own tactics, but sincerity is always part of the equation.